See 29-Year-Old Rat, Its Also A Virgin

This is Patrick. Patrick is a very large, very old wombat who lives at a wildlife preserve in Ballarat, Australia. At 29 years old, poor Patrick is also a virgin. He came out of the womb-at a time when life was simpler. Now, as a young adult, our boy is having trouble looking for that special someone to do… whatever the hell wombats do to each other. So we’ve let Patrick make a dating profile. If you know any wombats in your area looking to meet a refined single male, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us in the comments below! Name: patrick Occupation:Just chillin in mom’s basement, playing some WoW, drinkin’ Mountain Dew Likes: *.Cuddles *.Leaves and stuff *.International politics *.Juggalos *.Gnawing wood *.Existentialism *.Grey’s Anatomy *.Dislikes: *.When people mistake me for a beaver *.Wine snobs *.Running *.The San Diego Chargers *.Crippling depression *.Becky Ideal partner:I’m not looking for some one-night-stand. I’m just hoping to meet that special someone who will always go to wom-bat for me. Ideal date:Maybe we could go to Chuck E. Cheese, swim around in the ball pit, and see what happens.